Arguments

Brian and I don’t argue a lot, thank goodness. Sometimes when we argue it goes really well. We listen to each other and are loving the whole time. It’s fantastic. Not saying that I like to argue,  because I totally don’t. But when we have good arguments where it’s not miserable, I feel happy and okay. The percentage of good arguments have gone up over the years, which is great, but other times it just seems to be so dramatic. That is most likely totally because of me. I get really hurt when we argue. Even if it ends in “Baby, I’m sorry” and “I forgive you,” I feel  awful afterwards and have a hard time with it. Not only do I just get frustrated and feel dumb over arguing in the first place, but I also hate feeling like we can’t work through something peacefully. SO. . . I go to an extreme and have a really hard time bouncing back. Sometimes I’ll be upset about it still after an hour. (I’m not mad a Brian for an hour, I just feel hurt and down, so I totally am not myself for a while.) It’s. So. Dumb. I really need to work on that.

Arguments shouldn’t last for a long time, they shouldn’t be ridiculously dramatic and afterward we should be able to bounce back and be fine again. Now sometimes, a discussion might last longer than normal because there is a big issue. That just happens, it’s part of life. Also, after the apologies and such, there might be reason for further discussion so that the argument doesn’t go the same. It’s good to talk about ways to improve. But never should it be really dramatic and we shouldn’t stay down in the dump for hours.

Brian brought that to me yesterday and I think he is right. 

I am no expert on relationships by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing I do know is that, like Becca said, it's not good to drag arguments out for hours on end. That is not healthy at all. Something that I've found to be very helpful while in a discussion or argument is to pause for a few seconds, don't say anything, and remember who you are talking to; it's the person you care about most. You need to be that person's biggest fan, even in an argument; actually, especially in an argument. I've found that saying simple words of affirmation randomly while in a discussion can ease tension. 

I totally agree with that. During an argument, Brian will sometimes say, "Becca...I love you" or reach over and grab my hand. It just makes me remember that he loves me and we are okay. I'll do the same thing to Bri, and it really tends to help things. If I reach over and scratch his shoulder or something, normally he will close his eyes and sigh. I can visibly see that it made him relax and feel better. Great point to bring up Bri!  

My last two thoughts on this subject are these . . . first, pray and ask the Lord now, as well as during an argument to make you unselfish. Selfishness causes many arguments and it also prolongs them. Lastly, find your satisfaction in the Lord so that WHEN your partner lets you down, (cause spoiler alert . . . nobody's perfect, and we are going to let each other down now and again) it won't crush your world. If your satisfaction is in Christ, that person not fulfilling your need or them letting you down in some way will be alright, because you already have your needs met in Christ. I hope that makes sense. God really can be your satisfaction in every area of your life, and when He is, it will change a lot of things for good. He is all sufficient. Thanks for reading.

Feelings of Inadequacy

Television. Internet. Magazines. Billboards.

They are covered with perfect individuals, illustrating what the world has been programmed to think is "attractive." Women wearing minimal clothing, shirtless men sporting their muscles, people with flawless skin, perfect body weight, gorgeous hair, ect. These people are edited, placed on billboards and instantly they set a standard of living.

In relationships this can cause a major problem. Thankfully, Brian is so good about guarding his eyes. When a commercial comes on that is inappropriate, he turns away, refusing to look at such things. It has been fantastic for me because I don't feel like I have to compete with these women models who are perfect in every way. He doesn't look at that, so I don't feel like I have to meet such standards. If he did, I would feel so inadequate and like no matter what I did, I would never be satisfying and good enough for him. What an awful feeling that would be!!!

I will be honest and say that a couple years ago, I was not careful with what I allowed myself to watch, read, listen to, ect. Thank goodness the Lord has really been working on me and showing me how these things affect my life and walk with God. I'm so happy that the Lord has changed that area of my life to where I feel disgusted with TV, Internet and the like. Also, I believe that it has really benefited Bri and my relationship because he won't feel like he has to compete. I love everything about him, no matter what the dudes on TV are doing. He's perfect for me and I want to continue to work at making sure he knows that I don't have a standard for him to meet. If I'm posting pictures and fantasizing about some movie or pop star, then he will feel like he isn't enough. I do NOT want the love of my life to feel that way, and I definitely don't ever want to allow myself to think that way.

We all know that the focus on sex is so powerful in today's world. We can't get away from it and sadly it will only get worse as time goes on. We can't change what type of images are portrayed in our world, but we CAN change what we do with them. The devil wants us to look to other sources for satisfaction, but that will only frustrate us because that will never satisfy. The Lord created a relationship to be between two people...ONLY! If there are other characters polluting your mind and making you look at your partner differently, then there is a problem. You may not be intimate with them, but your mind has been. What makes one more acceptable than the other? The Bible says, "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them." Matthew 5:18. Also it says in Psalm 44:21 "Would not God discover this? For He knows the secrets of the heart."

To all my fellow bros out there, I just want to encourage you to not ever compromise with what you let you eyes see. So many times, I ask my friends their opinion on a movie as far as cleanliness and sex goes and they inform me it was clean and "they don't really show anything" . . . then I go see the movie and I have to look down for 3/4 of the movie cause an immodest girl is in the whole stinkin movie. Don't ever lower your standards of what is right and pure. Pretty much, I'm reiterating what Becca said; be careful what you let your eyes see and your ears hear. Be faithful to your partner, even with your eyes.

Bottom line: We would just like to encourage everyone, along with ourselves, to guard our hearts. Be careful with what we allow ourselves to look at and dwell on. This not only affects our relationship with Christ, but also it can really affect our dating/marriage relationship.