Brian and I don’t argue a lot, thank goodness. Sometimes when we argue it goes really well. We listen to each other and are loving the whole time. It’s fantastic. Not saying that I like to argue, because I totally don’t. But when we have good arguments where it’s not miserable, I feel happy and okay. The percentage of good arguments have gone up over the years, which is great, but other times it just seems to be so dramatic. That is most likely totally because of me. I get really hurt when we argue. Even if it ends in “Baby, I’m sorry” and “I forgive you,” I feel awful afterwards and have a hard time with it. Not only do I just get frustrated and feel dumb over arguing in the first place, but I also hate feeling like we can’t work through something peacefully. SO. . . I go to an extreme and have a really hard time bouncing back. Sometimes I’ll be upset about it still after an hour. (I’m not mad a Brian for an hour, I just feel hurt and down, so I totally am not myself for a while.) It’s. So. Dumb. I really need to work on that.
Arguments shouldn’t last for a long time, they shouldn’t be ridiculously dramatic and afterward we should be able to bounce back and be fine again. Now sometimes, a discussion might last longer than normal because there is a big issue. That just happens, it’s part of life. Also, after the apologies and such, there might be reason for further discussion so that the argument doesn’t go the same. It’s good to talk about ways to improve. But never should it be really dramatic and we shouldn’t stay down in the dump for hours.
Brian brought that to me yesterday and I think he is right.
I am no expert on relationships by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing I do know is that, like Becca said, it's not good to drag arguments out for hours on end. That is not healthy at all. Something that I've found to be very helpful while in a discussion or argument is to pause for a few seconds, don't say anything, and remember who you are talking to; it's the person you care about most. You need to be that person's biggest fan, even in an argument; actually, especially in an argument. I've found that saying simple words of affirmation randomly while in a discussion can ease tension.
I totally agree with that. During an argument, Brian will sometimes say, "Becca...I love you" or reach over and grab my hand. It just makes me remember that he loves me and we are okay. I'll do the same thing to Bri, and it really tends to help things. If I reach over and scratch his shoulder or something, normally he will close his eyes and sigh. I can visibly see that it made him relax and feel better. Great point to bring up Bri!
My last two thoughts on this subject are these . . . first, pray and ask the Lord now, as well as during an argument to make you unselfish. Selfishness causes many arguments and it also prolongs them. Lastly, find your satisfaction in the Lord so that WHEN your partner lets you down, (cause spoiler alert . . . nobody's perfect, and we are going to let each other down now and again) it won't crush your world. If your satisfaction is in Christ, that person not fulfilling your need or them letting you down in some way will be alright, because you already have your needs met in Christ. I hope that makes sense. God really can be your satisfaction in every area of your life, and when He is, it will change a lot of things for good. He is all sufficient. Thanks for reading.
Brian brought that to me yesterday and I think he is right.
I am no expert on relationships by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing I do know is that, like Becca said, it's not good to drag arguments out for hours on end. That is not healthy at all. Something that I've found to be very helpful while in a discussion or argument is to pause for a few seconds, don't say anything, and remember who you are talking to; it's the person you care about most. You need to be that person's biggest fan, even in an argument; actually, especially in an argument. I've found that saying simple words of affirmation randomly while in a discussion can ease tension.
I totally agree with that. During an argument, Brian will sometimes say, "Becca...I love you" or reach over and grab my hand. It just makes me remember that he loves me and we are okay. I'll do the same thing to Bri, and it really tends to help things. If I reach over and scratch his shoulder or something, normally he will close his eyes and sigh. I can visibly see that it made him relax and feel better. Great point to bring up Bri!
My last two thoughts on this subject are these . . . first, pray and ask the Lord now, as well as during an argument to make you unselfish. Selfishness causes many arguments and it also prolongs them. Lastly, find your satisfaction in the Lord so that WHEN your partner lets you down, (cause spoiler alert . . . nobody's perfect, and we are going to let each other down now and again) it won't crush your world. If your satisfaction is in Christ, that person not fulfilling your need or them letting you down in some way will be alright, because you already have your needs met in Christ. I hope that makes sense. God really can be your satisfaction in every area of your life, and when He is, it will change a lot of things for good. He is all sufficient. Thanks for reading.
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